is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
40s are totally the cure
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
