so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
