fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
