Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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