you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
