I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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