I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
