Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I just sharted jello shots
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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