I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Text me some of your sweat
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
