just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize