dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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