Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
