I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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