I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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