This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
