dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
