she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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