well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Too much gin, very little bucket
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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