Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
