sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???