never play flip cup with pint glasses
babies were throwing up all over the place
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.