I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
pop tarts are not kleenex
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.