you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"