U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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