Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
