I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize