Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
