Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
