dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
