you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have post one night stand depression
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
