I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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