At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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