do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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