What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
