i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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