so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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