she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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