it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
