My room smells like vodka and shame
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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