I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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