i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
