Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
