finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
