No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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