the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
