I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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