i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
