watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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