Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just cropdusted the office
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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