please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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