I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
