so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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