just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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