Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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