This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
