HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
