I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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