You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
