In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
