Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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