I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Randomize
