Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize