I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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