My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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