Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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