i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize