my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
