We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
