The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
