He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
